Self-Sacrifice for the Greater Good

Hey Sunflowers,

I’ve missed you all so much. These last couple weeks have been a lot for ya girl. Over-scheduling myself yet again. Same story, different day! I was talking to my therapist this week, telling her how I have fell into the consistent story of my life of feeling like there are just way too many balls in the air.

I shared with her that I often accept roles or agree to do things because I think I have to. I literally say to myself in my head, “if you don’t do it, who will?” When I shared this thought with her she paused. She said, “Self-sacrifice for the greater good. Isn’t that a tired old story for black women?” I looked at her and said, “Sheesh…You’re right!”

Why do we do this? Why do we think it is okay to sacrifice ourselves for the greater good? Why are we born with the weight of the world on our shoulders? I began thinking, what comes first? The chicken or the egg? Does the weight of the world make us feel like we have to carry these burdens, that usually are not our own? Or are we born feeling the obligation to pick up where others lack?

I think about my mom, my grandmother, my great-grandmother who all have this innate ability to be able to always be there. They never ever missed a beat! So why does it feel so heavy for me? Why is the greater good more important than our own boundaries and needs?

I realized something. The feeling of needing to do everything and be everything to everybody is a CHOICE. I can choose to just say no. I can choose to be strict with my own time and schedule. No one is going to stop loving me because I put myself first. So starting today, there is no more self-sacrifice for the greater good. There is only working toward the greater good. Things that I can’t do, they’ll be done by someone else. I can no longer worry about those things.

It seems like a rudimentary thought but it’s big for me. I can’t help but thinking it may be big for someone else too.

As always, thank you for reading!

forever blooming,

Mikaela