Found or Created?

Hey Sunnies,

I know it’s been a while, more than a while really. Since we’ve last had a chat I have graduated from law school and taken the bar exam. Typing that feels crazy. But, this is not a post about imposter syndrome, the ebbs and flows of anxiety and depression, or even the societal pressure to rush everything. This is about growing older.

This weekend one of my very best friends turned 25. It’s one of those ages that is supposed to mean something. As a kid, you think when you turn 18 you’ll be an adult. Then, when you turn 18 you think you’ll be an adult at 21. Then in the hazy years between 21 and 25 you don’t know what’s going on. It feels like adulting but some kind of way it still doesn’t feel real real. Finally, at 25 you think to yourself, I’m almost 30?! And that’s just unimaginable.

While talking to one of my friends about growing up and transitioning in this year post-law school, he said, “You don’t find yourself, you create yourself.” I was shook. Why don’t we talk about that more. It’s pretty “common” thinking to say that finding yourself is leaning into the things that you actually love. However, maybe you’re actually leaning into the things you want to love.

I watch a YouTuber, who I love, that often talks about her journey to being more feminine, finding her personal style, and becoming a “woman”. The comment about creation made me thing of her. She never found herself, she just created the woman she wanted to be in herself. That’s a radical act. That’s being a creator. Not the content, but creating and curating yourself and your life.

So cheers to this 24 year old taking the next month or so to even think about who I want to be. I’m excited for this journey. As I go through this period of transition I have so many thoughts. My only goal is to take good care of myself and be obedient.

Thanks for reading. I’ll talk to you soon.

forever blooming,

Mikaela Amira