What do you need?

Hey Sunnies,

This week, this past few weeks, honestly my whole life, I’ve had this urge to be there for people. The kind of ‘there’ where I often find myself asking my family, friends, classmates and co-workers, “What do you need?” I say it so fast it’s out of my mouth before I even realize it. Sometimes I regret it, other times I mean it sincerely.

The truth is I’ve become so exhausted with filling needs for people. Please don’t get me wrong, I enjoy being there for people, when I have capacity to do so. However, when the capacity is lacking and the need is there, it’s a recipe for disaster. I am so exhausted with being there for people sometimes calls and text piss me off just a little because I’m afraid it’s going to be somebody needing something from me.

Well, it dawned on me today. When the hell am I going to ask myself what I need? I’m not taking about the never ending task list of homework, cleaning, washing clothes and grocery shopping. I’m talking about what do I need to feel restored and recharged, ready to finish this last semester? What do I need to be able to show up in my relationships, both personal and professional? What do I need to be a performing and productive human?

And do you know I couldn’t find an answer? It’s sick. What do I need? I racked my brain with things that I could use right now. Like a nail salon with mimosas and a salon chair, a mental health trip where all people do is sit by the water, write, eat and pray, maybe even just 72 hours in a hotel room by myself where I don’t have to answer to anyone nor do I have any responsibilities.

The truth is I need to take care of me. Maybe this is the wake up call you need that it’s time to take care of you too.

forever blooming,

Mikaela Amira