For a long time I thought taking time to do things that felt good was self-care. I mean I would watch whatever I want, eat whatever I want, I mean it was literally WHAT EVER YOU WANT Princess. But the day would feel good, and by the end of the week I needed a feel good day again. I was self-soothing. I was just putting on a bandaid long enough to get me to the next time I could self-sooth. For years I thought I was “practicing self-care”. But really I was just slapping on the bandaid with things that FELT good instead of things that were actually good for me. Things I actually needed.

I had no idea I wanted to be a lawyer growing up. I was the kid who depending on who asked me would determine what I wanted to be. Sometimes I wanted to be a singer or actor, and sometimes I wanted to be a physician. As I got older I just wanted to be a professional life liver. AND STILL DO!

I shared with her that I often accept roles or agree to do things because I think I have to. I literally say to myself in my head, “if you don’t do it, who will?” When I shared this thought with her she paused. She said, “Self-sacrifice for the greater good. Isn’t that a tired old story for black women.” I looked at her and said, “Sheesh…You’re right!”

Cause Chile, I am stressed. Y’all…its a pandemic. I know we’ve been living this pandemic life for almost 11 months now but sometimes it just smacks me in the face. It’s really a whole pandemic that has uprooted our lives and killed thousands of people. Even more than it being a pandemic, there is no sight of it letting up anytime soon.

I would always eventually download the apps back and find myself scrolling for hours. Feeling bad about myself because my stomach doesn’t look like that, double tap, I could never afford to eat there, double tap, wow that purse is fire, screenshot & double tap, OMG this is his birthday party?

“I began to think about all of my relationships. Why did I think I had to do something to be loved and accepted? Where did this idea start? Many of my thoughts brought me back to my childhood and religion. We are taught at an early age, especially Black women, that we have to do something to gain love, but the reality is we don’t need to do anything to be loved. We are lovable, for nothing!”

I recently interviewed with a law firm and the partner interviewing me responded to a question about their personal experience at the firm with, “I knew I liked my job when I didn’t get the ‘Sunday Scaries’.” She must have noticed the utterly confused look on my face because she followed up with an explanation. “The ‘Sunday Scaries’ is the feeling you get on Sunday evening because you really don’t want to go to work the next day.”

This blog post is in partnership with Evolving Still. You can find and support their content at www.evolvingstill.com.

Today we're going to dive into what it means to have a healthy relationship. Romantic relations sit on a spectrum, just like every other relationship, from healthy to abusive, with “unhealthy” falling somewhere in the middle.

So I have some excited news, I moved into a new apartment. Woohoo! cue my good sis Ari Lennox Well, I wish I could say my transition has been smooth but it has been anything but! Today we’re going to talk about how to use spaces to your benefit. This is just another thing I learned in Quarantine that I felt it was important to share.

It’s like a paper cut, you know the tiny microscopic cuts you can’t even see. Well imagine you put on hand sanitizers (like we all should be doing regularly in the Rona age) and it BURNS. Yeah, that’s how trauma feels when you’re triggered by something you didn’t even know affected you.

I’m coming to you with a heavy heart because today we are talking about a very sensitive spot for me. Friendships. I want to start this with a disclaimer that I am in no way, shape or form an extraordinary friend but I hope to be, one day.

“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness. Forgive them because you deserve peace.” -Unknown

This week I’m coming to you with a level of exhaustion that I have gotten way too comfortable with and I realized something… I AM BURNED OUT! I’ve stated this before but we need to become more mindful of operating at a deficit. It’s not healthy for anyone involved. There are three key symptoms I look for when evaluating if I’m actually burned out. Similar to everything else here at The Sunflower Factory, learning the skill of recognizing Burn Out is incredibly valuable for your mental health tool kit. Let’s dive in!

There is no problem too big or too small for Superwoman!

Today we are talking about TANGIBLE ways to prioritize mental health. I have to emphasize tangible because in recent years I’ve seen our community scratch the surface of the mental health conversation but we haven’t given our community the tools to prioritize their own health journey. Before we get too deep, I want to emphasize the need to be gentle with yourself throughout this journey. Not just today or this week but always!

"You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven."

- Matthew 5: 14-16